Dale Carnegie’s - How to Win Friends and Influence People

Came across this article (Fri Jan 13, 8:00 PM ET ) and felt it provided good insights that are good for all of us to think about and apply. Am presenting here as it appeared at the following link: http://www.notesofintelligence.com/influence/basic-summary.html


Dale Carnegie’s -


Want to learn how to win friends and influence people? Strapped for time? Try this quick guide that covers the core ideas in one page.

This guide to the ideas in Dale will help anyone more effectively build relationships and motivate others. The following has been edited down to simply establish the book’s core ideas and should take less than five minutes to read.

How to Win Friends & Influence People:
A Guide

Basic Summary

Intro
This guide to the ideas in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People will help anyone more effectively build relationships and motivate others. The following has been edited down to simply establish the book’s core ideas and should take less than five minutes to read. A more thorough overview, which includes examples, can be found here.

The three fundamental tenets repeated throughout the book are highlighted in red.

Building Personal Relationships
• Never criticize, condemn or complain.
• Self-criticism is extremely rare. Your criticism won’t be welcome.
• Criticism makes others defensive and resentful.
• Positive Reinforcement works better.
• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• People are most interested in themselves.
• Remember people’s birthdays and other important details.
• Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
• Find the things that interest others and talk about those things.
• If you know nothing of their interests, ask intelligent questions.
• Be a good listener.
• Give your exclusive attention to others.
• Encourage others to talk about themselves. Ask pointed questions.
• Make the other person feel important.
• People deeply desire feeling important and appreciated.
• Praise others’ strengths and they’ll strive to reinforce your opinion.
• Use Names whenever possible.
• Smile.
• Greet others with smiles, enthusiasm and animation.
• Smiling comes through even when on the phone.
Selling your Ideas: Establish a Space for Cooperation
• Avoid arguments: you can only lose.
• Arguers will defend and embrace their previous positions.
• Even “winning” will hurt the loser’s pride and build resentment.
• A Guide to avoiding arguments:

1. Welcome the disagreement. Be thankful for a new opinion.
2. Keep calm.
3. Listen first. Hear your opponents out.
4. Look for areas of agreement.
5. Admitting errors will make it easier for others to admit theirs.
6. If no resolution is found, postpone action and promise to explore the opposing perspective.

• Begin in a friendly way.
• Open conversation with sincere praise, appreciation and sympathy.
• A friendly tone will allow others to broach discussions more openly.
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Eagerly listen to concerns to diffuse tension and build relationships.
• Others need to finish spilling their ideas before listening to you.
• Be sympathetic.
• Most people hunger for sympathy.
• Tell them: “I’d feel the same way under those circumstances.”
• Respect others’ opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
• People don’t like to admit they’re wrong and may take it personally.
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Demonstrate your willingness to rationally examine the facts.
• If another is about to criticize you, don’t let them start!
• A harsh self-rebuke may prompt the others to soften their critiques.
• Admitting errors clears guilt and allows quicker resolutions.
• Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
• Another’s perspective and motivation is the key to understanding their decisions, agenda and personality.
• Frame requests in terms of what motivates others.
• Ask yourself: “Why should someone want to do as I ask?”